wednesday

There are alot of bad people in this world. I don't mean crooks and theives and people who kill other people but people who just aren't nice. Who just are mean becuase they "think" they have the right or believe that something has triggered them to act the way they do. To me, that's almost as equal as those listed above, and in my world, makes you a bad person.

Today I woke up, after a surprsingly fun night and mumbled a few words in my head, like every other morning, along the lines of thanking God, figuring out what I was going to wear and declaring today would be a good day. It has been. Despite the cold, it's been a beautiful day and the mid-afternoon snow clouds have had me wondering what's gonna fall in the next 24 or 2 hours.

This is besides what is on my mind. I just don't understand how people can wake up one morning and decide that yesterday was the last day they would consider someone their friend, confidant or boyfriend or girlfriend. I know I'm probably giving this issue to much of thought, but its just a few things that have being going through my head in the past few weeks. I feel like I'm slowly beginning to loose trust in people. That sounds kinda harsh. I'll try it again. I'm slowly beginning to realize that are few people who will appreciate and acknowledge a true, geninue friendship...better yet, my time. I've never been the type of person who enjoys staying in one spot and avoiding people and steers away from social gathering. Yes, my current situation here at UNCC does play a major role but I'm trying not to let what I see come too much to life.
I know it's important to make time for yourself everyday to do what you please, and I do that. In the morning before I leave for class, usually when I get back to class...and of course time before I go to bed. I guess I just feel extremely disconnected. Some of it is by choice, but one part of me makes me think that I'm doing or have done something wrong which isn't the case. It makes me kinda sad. (<-that sounds so me. ) As my best friend has said many times...for there to be 6 billion people in the world, sometimes you want just one. One person.

I'm really anxious to get home. Luckily, this is all flushing over me at the perfect time. I'm going home tomorrow to get pricked and poked by my doctor, and for some family event I have to attend. I've never been so excited to ride the train, but I realized the sun goes down as soon as my train leaves so I won't have the idyllic scenary to keep me company. My mom called me tonight, and of course her mommie-sense could tell that I wasn't too into it. I told her I was fine, and tried to ignore the lump in my throat. I'm ready to get home, but I feel like this weekend has to go right...or I'd like it to because it's gonna be my last one for a very very long time.
I'm keeping myself busy but also trying my best to make time for me and those who have the best interests of me in their mind.