Saturday, December 22, 2007

growing pains.

Since I've been home, I've been making a constant effort to wake up and clean. Everytime I go back to charlotte, I always try to make a genuine effort to leave my room clean in preparation for my next trip home. Who wants to come home to a dirty room? Nevertheless, when I came home last week I realized my room looks like I never left for college. My summer was cut short by my four weeks in summer school and when I left, I was still enjoying being a graduate of Southeast Raleigh High school. So today I started to clean.
But in a different way.
I do believe my bedroom is one of the places in the world that I can cry, be happy, be grumpy and it be perfectly okay. Its my private place. I have many pictures that decorate my room. But when I look at them now, I don't really connect with the Adrianne in the pictures. I took down a myriad of pictures that showed me cheering in high school. That was a great time in my life, but I fEel like I'm not that person anymore. I didn't have a worry in the world. I was impatiently waiting to get my license, still pursuing the world of medecine, and trying to do everything to prepare for my college life at UNC Chapel Hill. I had a relationship that made me immensely happy which only made me feel sad when I was cheering and he was playing football only miles away.
The pictures stopped the summer before my junior year, a point in my life where I really think my life began. I can't deny the lump in my throat taking the pictures down. I loved cheering, I really do miss it today. Specially the wonderful shape of my body!! The girls in the picture were around me all the time. Six days a week at times. They were my family. If I saw some of them on the street today, they may not even speak to me. Some of them didn't graduate. Some of them didn't live to graduate. Despite it all...that was a wonderful part of my life, ill definetly never forget the wins, the losses and the friendships.
As far as taking the pictures down, I feel like I don't need that to be a constant reminder in my life anymore. If I told people who know me now that I was once a cheerleader, they'd probably be really surprised.
There are many things in my life that just need to stay memories and don't need my constant attention. I'm realizing a part of growing up is learning from new and old experiences and keeping what suits your life best at the current point. A new year is less than 10 days away and I'm sure this time next year ill be cleaning up things I have to leave behind.

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