Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hello Spring.

I'm pretty sure a new season started this week. I thought spring started Friday, but my sister corrected me and told me it actually started on the 20th. I don't know, I thought my calender said the 21st.
Regardless, its a new season.

As corny as it sounds...I can definetly relate to Mother Earth because it seems as if I'm entering a new season. Its safe to say that I'm currently or have been experiencing a transition in my life. Over the past few months, a myriad of things have occured in my life. Health, family, relationships, school...all of it. Not here to whine or complain because things in my world have been going very well and I'd hate for anything to change.It seems as 2008 is going to be a good year. I can't believe we're almost 4 months in. Its crazy. I started the year off in a new atmosphere. New dorm/suitemates because my previous situation was just toxic. I remember many nights crying my eyes out, or starring at the clock and ceiling for hours staright. I have very few good memories in 128C. But, thank God I'm now in a much more positive environment which has definetly been a blessing.

College is definitely an experience. Everyone I run into his preparing to start college I always tell them 'you gotta be in the right mind to be in college. ' Don't know what you think, but I believe its very true. People are crazy, and at the vulnerable age of 18 it seems like sane people sometimes just flock to crazy, idiotic people.

I have definetly learned the value of friendship or lack there of. I think I can count people I would call my friends at Charlotte on one hand and still have fingers left over. Its not that I haven't had time to meet people, I've meet quite a few but....just can't give time and energy and my fabulous friendship to anyone who could care less. I'ts life. I've learned a lot. I see my 6 beautiful girls from home together prob once every two months. And at this point in my life, it satisfies me. Hurts to say bye, but I know those girls will have my back to the end, and they're always a phone call or BB message away :)

At one point this semester, my two best friends didn't want to have anything to do with me...for a month. No contact no nothing. It felt like hell. Things are still unstable with one but the other seems to be on track to be better than before. Guess it makes you appreciate relationships more. Good ones, at least.

Scary to realize people you think would always be there for you, won't. Never thought it would happen to me. Its been quite a few months since an argument with a friend, who has since has given me the very cold shoulder. Zero contact. As stated earlier many times, lifes too short...especially to hold grudges. I just continue to do my best to pump positive energy into this world, just pray about it. That usually helps. The whole situation is just very weird...

The most profound thing I've learned about is my parents. I love them to death, and that's an understatement. Parents are people. That's one thing I've learned since I've been in college. My parents just make me really upset sometimes. I guess people will never meet up to your expectations, especially those you really care about and love, but it hurts when your parents don't. Long story in short, I've been preparing to transfer to another college next year that is a PERFECT fit for my academic goals. My parents, don't agree, and at one point decided I wouldn't be going even if I was accepted. That hurt. They claimed I need to stay another year in Charlotte, I'm doing good here and my new school is more expensive, and something about me having a social life (whhha? Yea right. ) Like my parents really care about me having a social life. I guess everyone is entitled to make mistakes but sometimes I look at my parents and really say, "seriously?!" I really don't agree with some of the things my parents do nowadays but I know it could be alot worse.

I could probably go on and on talking about the things in the past year that have bothered me the most and those that didn't even phase me.

When I started this blog, only 4 people read it. That I knew of at least...I'm beginning to think its a little bit more than the original 4, actually probabaly minus one of those...reading lately lol. I know sometimes I write some crazy stuff up here but, I've always found it easier to write what I'm feeling or least in certain sitations.

My 19th birthday is quickly approaching and despite all the crazy, mind-boggling, heart-aching things I've seen and experienced in the last few years, I just continue to be grateful.

"hurts me to see you feel this way
but it won't be always
don't know you know everything's got to change?
...don't you know, patience is a virtue
life is a waiting game
peace must be nurtured"
seasons change.corinne bailey rae


Niki.Mac said...

Ditto, to all of it!

Welcome to big girl life sis!

Hugs and Kisses :)

karrie b. said...

"parents are people..."

the TRUTH.

growing up is hard, i know.